Don't Know What to Think...posted Jan 16th 2006, 11:20PM
Mood: Depressed
Music: Papa Roach - Be Free
I'm literally becoming mentally unstable... this isn't the first time, either. I've had a few breakdowns in the past... (poor Geoff has had to deal with them, too... seeing as he was the one present at the time, and ended up with a snotty, tear-soaked shirt). To tell the honest truth, I really have no idea why I'm like this... It's as if over the years my happiness deteriorated, and I went on a downward spiral (this was late elementary through middle, and into the first half-year of high school...). It started to get better after a while, after I met Kayla, Gysel, and Geoff... they helped more than they will ever know... but then, the floor just dropped out from under me when my dad got cancer. I was struggling to cope with that, and I thought I was okay... then I lost Geoff, and I hit rock bottom. He came back, though, and has made up for it since... and while it's helping to keep me sane still, I just can't seem to move foreward.
I beat myself up over every failure. I'm depressed (though I thought I wasn't...), and all I ever seem to want to do is sleep. I feel actual happiness for about 5 or so minutes, and then suddenly, I'm back to where I was.
I have no idea how I became like this, and I have no idea how to get out, but... I've got to try.
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